RUN, FAT GIRL, RUNNNN!

I have a secret. A most secrety secret. The biggest secret in all of secretdom.

Ok, it's not that interesting.

BUT.

When I am not a fat girl anymore, when I lose the baby/marshmallow/Pepsi/butterscotch/if it's sweet, I'll eat it weight......I'ma get full sleeve tattoos. Probably my neck and back too.

I have secretly longed for a tattoo ever since I was young and my sister got one. When I was little, I wanted to do everything she did. I wanted to dress like her, dye my hair like her (PURPLE, no less), and get a tattoo like her. This is coming from me, a girl who doesn't even have her ears pierced.

The thing that has stopped me from ever getting one was my weight. I've always been pudgy. I felt like I would be putting a sign on my forehead saying "Please laugh at the fat girl" if I got a tattoo. Yes. I sound judgemental. But I don't think chunky girls should get tattoos, especially not the little paws on the boobs kind. Or the butterfly on her cankle (calves flow into ankles, eliminating the ankle, and thus creating the CANKLE). I said I sure as hell wasn't going to do something I didn't think other girls should do. So I need to get in shape.

I realize I will be a grandma someday, it's something you have to live with forever, blah blah. But you only get one life! If I can't be a grandma with tattoos, then what was the point of living. WHAT WAS IT?!?!1!111!oneone

I have decided that when I get my tattoos, it will be a henna design. Only permanent. I wanted something earthy looking and pretty (I mean, I thought about doing Shy Girl or the Comdey/Tragedy faces, but you know. Eh.).

I want to get it on my feet, sleeves, back, and neck. This will most definitely cost my whole life savings, plus interest. BUT IT'S A DREAM, MY FRIENDS. A DREAM! I will need to find a very talented artist here in the Springs to do it. Those henna thingies are really detailed and intricate (same thing?). I remember watching some show where a girl got a diamond tattooed on her back with what was supposed to be "Jewel" right above it, because that was her name. The guy tattooed Jewle. I'm not getting any letters, but I'd hate for something that's supposed to look like a flower end up looking like a wad of snot. That can come later when I'm a saggy grandma.

My grandma has a tattoo, BTW. It's the initials of her old boyfriend on her bicep. It tickles me.

So. I'll get all in shape and muscletastic. Then I'll take up belly dancing. Maybe people will mistake me for Rachel Brice. Haw. Right. Who is Rachel Brice? She's a super duper, tribal style belly dancer. That's her, in the tribal outfit thingie.

So while I may never realize my dream of being covered in permanent henna, I can keep thinking about it. Only I have to think about it with a thin body, or else I giggle at myself.